Why Am I Indebted to Medium and My Daughter?

Photo from medium.com

 It is about me and my survival.

Everyone joining Medium has their own reasons to do so; some join for earning money, some for making a lot of followers and becoming famous, some others for a sense of satisfaction and achievement, etc., but the underlying fact is that all have something to say, something to write about and share with the world; and fortunately, if something comes out inspirational from all that stuff, that benefits the society.

Every life is unique, every human being is special, so every life story also has an element of distinctiveness. This story is about me, about sharing something with others, and if it can even inspire a single human soul, I would be blessed. It is not about success or failure; it is about survival, my survival. When we discover something to look forward to even after reaching the dead-end in our life, that endeavor keeps us alive and whoever has been instrumental in that, we should be indebted to them.

Let me give you a brief background of things. I was diagnosed with cancer in August 2020. The hell broke loose on us, i.e. my wife, daughter, and me. Chemotherapy and radiation started killing me and my whole existence. Ironically, later tests proved that these treatments killed almost everything except any of my cancer cells. We absolutely had no clue which direction life was heading in. In December 2020, my first surgery took place. We passed these five months seesawing between hellish to more hellish extremes. Future looked utterly bleak. I had no physical strength, no mental calmness, felt completely devastated, agitated, and hopeless, as all cancer patients usually do.

The first two months of recovery from surgery were nightmarish. Then I slowly started gathering myself hoping that after the removal of the tumor, I would be cancer-free. Nonetheless, chemos still continued, and they constantly made me feel lifeless and exhausted. Nonetheless, being an ex-soldier, something more, some more brevity was always expected out of me. I had always been a gym-hitter, was in the habit of keeping good health and physique, and was a sporadic meditator too. (These things also, to some extent, surprise me how the hell I got cancer, but it is such a disease, you see, can never be predicted!)

So, I tried to resort to my light health routine and meditation in order to defy my weakness and frustrations. Of course, those were of great help, but I always missed something in life, probably some purpose, now that I became invalid job-wise, was almost cut off socially, weak financially, and no more independent. Cancer is a multi-pronged enemy, it kills every prospect of your life. Thank God, it did not encroach on my brain and my willpower!

My wife had to bear a double load of work and financial pressure. My daughter also went into depression, so she started seeing a therapist. We usually had discussions about her sessions with the therapist. They were not going well. When the time is bad, misfortune chases you everywhere. The therapist was useless. We somehow felt that we needed someone to sensibly listen to us. We had so much to talk about and share with, but most importantly venting ourselves.

It was actually less about somebody listening; it was more about expressing, telling, venting to the deepest extent, I hope you get it! So, my daughter came up with the idea of writing and publishing our emotions without bothering whether somebody is reading it. The easiest nowadays is creating your own blog. Just write and publish it there. We both did it. She was busy with her work, but I was almost free. I started writing in both languages, Hindi and English. This absolutely fascinated me. At the age of 24, I had already written almost 75 poetries, and lost them too in my various military transfers, lo! On an aside, I also started learning Vedic Astrology on my own, and piano too, just to keep myself totally busy in order to avoid thinking about any nonsense. Emotions started cascading so beautifully and flowing like a cataract that I started stealthily thinking about publishing my work.

Then one day, through one of her co-workers, she learned about Medium platform. She suggested and encouraged me to just go for it, of course with a caution, ”Dad, for God’s sake, never get drowned in the madness of a number of claps, likes, followers, and earning money from all this. Stick to the true purpose of going on Medium. Just read, write, and express! Other things will follow naturally in their due course.” She lovingly got my subscription paid and here I am on Medium.

Medium is an ocean of creativity with the broadest spectrum of subjects under the sun, and millions of writers keep rainbowing the firmament of creation every second. (Wow! That is a good line, I even learned to recognize and appreciate myself on Medium!). There may be many more platforms like Medium, which I may not know about, but I am sure there are; however, Medium is kind of my first love, it helped me to know, transform, and enrich myself. It is like being at one’s home, you can sit tight and do nothing, wear anything, move around in any way. Similarly, on Medium, you write whenever you want, on almost whatever subject you want (even decent erotica, ahem, ahem!) with an absent cautious work scenario. If you don’t want to write, just read and appreciate, this itself inspires you and generates some ideas to write. What a beautiful platform! So, I started publishing my work independently before joining a few publications.

As I said earlier, the face of Medium changes every second. Whenever I browse my Medium account, I see a lot of new publications and new writers coming up with new ideas of creativity. I know some successful writers make decent money through Medium. God bless them! It is really not important for me how much money I earn from Medium or vice-versa. What is more important for me is how it has changed my outlook and perspective towards life and helped me to survive such dire situations. Earlier I used to write for the sake of myself, but now when I write something I know that I at least have an audience who is going to read or have a glance at my feelings and emotions. That is a big prize for me. This compels me to write better and better and improve upon myself every day. To be honest, sometimes I ask myself, “Why the hell, after all, am I writing all this, what is the use?” Then I remember my initial purpose of joining Medium. My core purpose still remains the same.

My journey on medium so far has been very off and on. Especially after my third surgery in April 2021, I was off Medium for a while. I stopped my subscriptions. I discontinued writing because I did not become cancer-free. My chemotherapy was still going on and I again started feeling broken, hopeless, lifeless, and completely dejected. However, writing on Medium always lured me to overturn the situation. What I observed is that whenever emotions start brimming all over and become uncontrollable, writing on Medium comes to my rescue. Now, once again when I get up in the morning, I have something to look forward to, something to do during my daytime, and something to think about when I am going to bed at night. I am constantly physically and mentally active, trying to forget about my painful treatments, my probable survival span, and so many other hopeless things. This transformation was only possible because of my daughter and Medium.

“Thanks a lot, Medium!”

Sometimes, my daughter says jovially, “Dad, keep writing, and write something really good. At least, I would be proudly able to tell my children someday that their grandfather was a great writer.”

“Thanks a lot, baby for placing me in the right place in life!”